have you ever shipped something so hard that you become irrationally happy and make a sound akin to steam escaping from a kettle every time they so much as stand next to each other
i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.
as a casino employee I can confirm this would be terrifying as fuck
In the wake of the recent article written by Rita Skeeter/Jo Rowling, my brain has been one big Harry-Potter-themed mess. In an attempt to sort out all the thoughts charging around my brain like angry hippogriffs, I’ve written them all down. Here goes…
Things we know from the books:
- the number 7 is a magical number
- July 31 is Harry’s birthday
- most cuts and scrapes can be healed instantaneously by various magical means
- being an auror is a dangerous line of work that can end in injury (see: Mad Eye Moody)
- Rita Skeeter is a lying little cow who’ll say anything for a good story
Things we know from the article:
- Skeeter’s new book will be released on July 31, 2014
- Harry had a new scar/cut on his cheek
- Skeeter can’t get any info (though not for lack of trying) out of the Ministry of Magic as to what activities the Auror Department has been getting up to
Other things we know:
- the article takes place two years before the epilogue (the epilogue is set on September 1, 2016)
- it’s been nearly exactly seven years since Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was published
- July 31, in addition to being Harry’s birthday, is also Jo Rowling’s
- the number 7: most magically powerful number, and the number of years since Deathly Hallows was published (Deathly Hallows being, coincidentally, the seventh book in the series)
- July 31: Harry’s birthday; Jo Rowling’s birthday; and the set release date for Rita Skeeter’s new book
- the new cut/scar: Harry’s an auror, and it’s no surprise that an auror might get injured on the job. That said, magic can fix most injuries almost immediately, so why hadn’t this one been healed? Maybe harry hadn’t bothered, because it was only minor and would heal itself. Maybe it was from a curse, and curse-scars can be harder to heal with magic than regular injuries. In any case, it seemed like an awful lot of attention was paid to a little cut on the cheek. And either way, there’s clearly a story behind it.
- the number 514: this might be nothing at all, but the part where Skeeter quoted the Auror’s Department as telling her that they don’t give comment on their goings on, “as we have told you no less than 514 times, Ms Skeeter,” seemed like a rather pointed statement. For something that amounted to “no comment; stop trying to get one,” it was a surprisingly specifically worded quote. So it might be nothing. But I got the feeling it was something.
Things to consider:
- the whole article had a very strong “watch this space” vibe to it
- JK has been writing a lot recently, according to her twitter account (and yes, the woman’s an author, of course she’s writing - but why would she feel the need to specifically point that out, unless she were writing something of interest to her fans?)
- regarding the "but there can’t be anything coming - there hasn’t been any publicity or promotion" theory: JKR wrote dropped a surprise 1,500 fictional newspaper article on her fans, and within 24 hours practically the entire world had read it. The woman doesn’t need publicity.
- If she were going to drum up some publicity for something, a really good way to do it would be to drop a surprise short story on the public that alludes to something happening on a specific date, and then sit back and watch as the fans do all the advertising for you by way of intense speculation, in-depth and extended discussion, and extreme excitement.
- JKR did say several years ago that she was done writing for Harry Potter.
- But! She also said that she’s got the entire lives of the characters and everything that happens to them plotted out in her head, and it saddens her sometimes that her readers probably won’t get to know all of that. Plus: she did just drop a short story on us, completely out of the blue, so clearly she’s not quite as “done” writing for Harry Potter as she once stated.
- The article takes place 2 years before the epilogue, so any stories that happen to be released, if they are set between now and 2016, have to be able to fit in with everything that is mentioned in the epilogue.
- Fans have been begging for a Harry Potter Encyclopedia since Deathly Hallows was published, and two years ago, JKR hinted that there might be one in the works. So maybe, if something is set to happen on the 31st, maybe it’s not a new novel. Maybe it’s an Encyclopedia. Or maybe it’s something else entirely.
- And the final thing to note: “Rita Skeeter” wrote the article. Are all of these clues and suggestions and implications negated by the fact that it was Rita absolutely-nothing-I-write-is-true Skeeter who gave them do us? Or is JK pulling a triple-bluff?
- despite all of our best efforts not to get excited in case it turns out to be nothing, all of us have failed, and all of us are really excited.
- if nothing happens on July 31, all of us are going to cry.
Can you imagine someone taking their kids one day to the inevitable Dumbledore’s Army and Harry Potter museum, seeing one of the original badges they got when coming into the ministry ‘Harry Potter- Rescue Mission’ (that the rest kept as keepsakes for their progeny, but Harry and Ginny had two and in this case Harry was a little less sentimental because it reminds him of Sirius), and being begged by their kids for one of the copies in the museum store where a friendly witch or wizard would charm on your name. People used to make their own sometimes when visiting the ministry to see if it still worked the same way, ‘Lee Jordan- Rescue Mission!’, before they had to charm the welcome voice to better figure out why they were visiting.